Bitten is a Canadian Horror Comedy Starring Jason Mews that aired on Sci-fi in 2009. This film is damn lucky I’m a Jason Mews fan or I would have stopped watching it. I have a hard time formulating into words how bad this film is. I would have to say that Bitten might be the worst thing from Canada since Usage Based Billing. Alright it’s not that bad, but damn does it try to  be. Bitten is an interesting look at human vampire relations and is a bit of tragic love story, it just isn’t all that aMEWSing (my only Mews joke promise).

The story follow Jack (Jason Mews) a late night paramedic whose girlfriend just broke up with him for his yoga instructor. He finds Danika (Erica Cox) covered in blood in the alley the victim of an assault. Turns out Danika is now a vampire having survived her attack. Jack and Danika fall in love but due to her constant need to feed things get complicated. During this time he has to find places to hide the bodies of her victims around his tiny apartment while also trying to keep his only friend Roger (Richard Fitzpatrick) in the dark about it.

My main issue is none of the characters seem to have any chemistry. All the dialogue and character interactions come out as forced or worse, bland with no emotion attachment to the characters also in the scene. I’m sad to say this is mostly due to Jason Mews being simply dreadful and I don’t really blame him. Bitten was filmed in 2008 when Mews was trying to relaunch his career during a period between lapses back into drug addiction. I can tell he’s trying and that’s the problem he’s trying so hard it effects his performance in the worst kind of way. My favorite part of low budget horror films is that I can tell the actors are having fun and enjoying what they’re doing. That’s the main reason I’ve always liked Jason Mews.

Another issue was none of the characters are ever really explored. We learn nothing of Danikas past other than she doesn’t want to be taken to the hospital and supposedly has no friends or family. No. I can suspend my disbelief only so far and this way past that point. Erica Cox is very attractive so I find it impossible to believe she doesn’t have a whole cellphone full of friend zoned guys wondering where she is. Cox does do a good job with what she’s given to work with which isn’t much between the bad writing and her lead man. We only learn just as little with Jack and Roger with most of Jacks back story being tossed in as a lame reason why Jack has no friends other than Roger and vice versa.

The black comedy aspects of this film work… sometimes. It got a handful chuckles out of me and that’s about it. All of the scenes that made me chuckle were between Jack and Danika when they were trying to decided what to do. With her being a vicious killer and all and them just wanting to be together. I found a few moments when Danika try’s to explain what its like to Jack with no real way to do so.

But as I said this is a bad movie and not the kind of bad that it actually turns out to be good. This is the regular style of bad were talking Lost Boys: The Thirst kind of bad. Actually no that’s being cruel to The Thirst as it is the better film. Not by much but just enough that I actually have to give it some credit. So end of the day Bitten just can’t measure up and should be passed over earning it a 3/10.


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