Strippers Vs. Werewolves is exactly what you would expect. Before you ask, yes it’s just as bad as you think. Normally I defend low-budget films, but I can’t do it this time. Some of the best horror films ever made were low-budget, Strippers Vs. Werewolves isn’t one of those. But of all its flaws, Strippers Vs. Werewolves commits the ultimate sin. It’s boring.
The film opens at Vixens with stripper Justice (Adele Silva) giving such an outstanding lap dance it causes werewolf Mickey (Martin Kemp) to change. Justice is then attacked by Mickey, but kills him with a silver fountain pen to the eye. Vixens owner Jeanette (Sarah Douglas) has Bouncer Franklyn (Nick Nevern) dispose of Mickeys body, but while loading Mickey’s body into the trunk of Mickeys car Franklyn gets wrangled into driving some of the girls home for the night, during which he flirts with stripper Dani (Ali Bastian). As it turns out Mickey was part of a werewolf Gang, which unbeknownst to Justice, her boyfriend Scott (Martin Compston) is second in command to the gangs leader Jack Feris (Billy Murray). Jack becomes worried as Mickey hasn’t checked in and orders a search for him. That night, during what I assume is supposed to be passionate love making, Justice bites Scott drawing blood and becoming infected. The werewolves track down Mickey’s car containing his body and “question” the teens tasked with destroying it, getting Franklyn’s address. They pay him a bloody visit during which Dani shows up for their date. The werewolves chase Dani to her friend Ravens apartment. Raven calls her vampire hunter boyfriend Flett (Steven Berkoff) for advice. With Fletts helpful advice the girls manage to fend off the werewolves. This causes them to visit Vixens and massacre everyone inside instead. When Justice, Dani, Raven, Jeanette and the other survivors band together for a final stand, while Scott is ordered to kill Justice for becoming a werewolf.
I can say undoubtedly that my bias towards werewolf films isn’t coloring my perception of this film. Strippers Vs. Werewolves earns its ire on its own accord. I really wanted to like this film, almost creepily so. I love films that are just so bad they somehow come around to being great or are just good on it’s own accord. Unfortunately, Strippers Vs. Werewolves is neither.
Strippers Vs. Werewolves biggest flaw is the writing. I have a hard time judging the acting due to how clunky and unwieldy the dialog is. Even during Fred Englands cameo the dialog feels forced and heavy-handed and he was able to sell Krugers lines. Also with as much exposition this film has it would create complex and like-able characters. Nope.
An annoyance that while minor I can’t shake is the film’s attitudes about werewolves. At one point the werewolves kill a bunch of gangsters and the man the gangster was torturing mistakes them for good werewolves on a quest for justice. Also both Jeanette and the Bartender had at least one run in with werewolves before and Raven’s boyfriend hunts vampires and that is never questioned, like it’s no big deal. But the strippers are surprised to learn about werewolves existence. Just pick one. Either the werewolves are a secret or they’re not. Also, werewolves leave an awful lot of bodies lying around, not very secretive.
Final thoughts, while bad… ok, terrible. Strippers Vs. Werewolves isn’t bereft of merit. I really liked Steven Berkoff as Flett and is the most like-able character in my opinion. Also Strippers Vs. Werewolves slips in a some subtle and not so subtle reference to other werewolf films. Unfortunately the poor writing is simply crippling, never allowing Strippers Vs. Werewolves get any sort of footing. 2/10