I had high hopes for Troll 2, and that’s probably why it failed to impress. With such a huge fan base, along with that it is often considered the best of the So Bad They’re Good kind of movies. Troll 2 even has a documentary about it Best Worst Movie, so how could I not love it? It does have some genuine, so bad it’s good moments, but they’re fleeting at best. The dry, poorly delivered dialog, that feels like they just spent five minutes backstage practicing their lines and really didn’t want to mess up.
Joshua Waits (Michael Stephenson) is a twelve-year-old boy, who keeps dreaming of his dead Grandpa Seth (Robert Ormsby). This upsets his father Micheal (George Hardy),and more noticeably his mother Diana (Margo Prey). His sister Holly (Connie Young) is more interested in her new boyfriend Elliot (Jason Wright), and their relationship issues centering around Elliot’s friends, Arnold (Darren Ewing), Drew (Jason Steadman), and Bret (David McConell),to notice her brother slowly losing grip with reality. The last part of that is a lie. Unfortunately, Joshua isn’t going crazy with grief, his dead grandfather is visiting. Basically so ghost shit can just be tossed in so the grandfather is used mainly for exposition and as the film’s primary McGuffin. But I digress, Micheal who has dreamed of being a farmer has enrolled in a family swap program. Resulting in the Waits family moving to the small farming town of Nilbog for the summer. Elliot and his friends follow in an RV. On the way Joshua see’s more visions of his dead grandfather who tells him that he’s in the kingdom of the Goblins and that they can turn into food for them by having you consume tainted food or drink. In Nilbog Arnold comes across a girl fleeing goblins in the woods and while trying to help end up in a church. There he is given tainted food which starts turning him into a plant while he watches the girl dissolve into green slime, which is then consumed by the goblins. The next day the town has prepared the Waits family a feast, but Joshua with the help of his dead grandfather reveal the goblins true forms (they can shapeshift) and intentions towards his family…
I didn’t like this movie and nothing would please me more than to just hate on it. As Director/Writer Claudio Fragasso only spoke Italian as did the whole crew. This wouldn’t have been too big of an issue if it wasn’t for the cast only spoke English and Claudio Fragasso wrote the film in broken English. But this does put a reason on biggest gripe and that’s just how badly it’s written. Nothing flows or fits together. Each line is just sort of jammed into place. This is because the actors weren’t allowed to ad-lib, they had to deliver the lines as written.
But the big issue. The one thing about this Troll 2 that is unforgivable, it’s boring. I nearly fell asleep while watching it. I can deal with bad acting, poor storytelling, sloppy camera work, and even the occasion boom mic. All I ask is that it be entertaining, which for some it apparently is. But not for me. I can begrudgingly see where people can see luster where is see grime and other see heart, where I see a train wreck.
Final thoughts, Troll 2 is at best in my opinion simply ok and is way over hyped. Does it deserve the title Best Worst Movie? Maybe you think so. I don’t, now moving along. Not everyone’s performs was a chore to watch. I enjoyed Robert Ormsby as the films main McGuffin and Connie Young stuck out to me as well. All in all, I’m glad I watched Troll 2 if for no other reason then it’s so widely talked about. But once was enough for me. 2/10