Army of Frankensteins

MV5BMTg2NzY2NDc1OV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTgwMDIxMzMxMjE@._V1_SY317_CR5,0,214,317_AL_Well, it’s kinda like a horror film. I mean that’s how it bills itself, as Horror/Comedy/Adventure/Sci-Fi and I can easily agree that it’s at least 75% correct. But Horror? Not really, maybe at one time it had more of a horror bend. But if it did only a vague memory of it remained. But it does have some fun with the fact it’s a B-Movie and it’s a film that doesn’t give a damn what people think. Because this film is freaking bananas.

Army of Frankensteins follows Alan Jones (Jordan Farris), who has plans to propose to his girlfriend Ashley (Jami Harris). However, she’s called into work and doesn’t make the dinner. Alan goes to the store where she works and walks in on her being kissed by her boss. He storms out and she follows, but is unable to reason with him. Alan’s car breaks down, forcing him to walk home and on the way he gets badly beaten by a street gang. Who is under the employ of Igor (Christian Bellgardt), a twelve-year-old mad scientist’s assistant. He takes Alan to his lab where Igors mentor, Dr. Tanner Finski (John Ferguson) cuts out one of Alan’s eyes and stitches it into the head of flesh-golem. Dr. Finski mentions how they will have to wait to bring the creature to life due to the lightning storm, which could overload the system and cause a number of unforeseen accidents. After being further drugged Alan stumbles off the bed he’s on and accidentally activates the machine. The creature is brought to life, then tearing a rift in space and time, causing Frankensteins for parallel universes to pour into ours and then they all get pulled back in time to end of civil war. Alan and the doctor are rescued by the north as the army of frankesteins indiscriminately kill southern and northern troops. While Igor is found by a southern officer Herbert Harry Swanson (Lucas Ross), who takes a nano-bot serum that was used to bring the frankstein to life. Igor gets away, and Swanson brings the serum to his commander Robert E. Walton (Thomas Cunningham).  Dr. Finski dies at the union camp due to being too old to survive the journey through time. Before he dies, the Dr. reveals to Alan that if he can kill all the Frankensteins a rift will open and he can return to his own time. The catch is that all the Frankensteins from the other universes are impervious to harm and only the Frankenstein from our universe (Eric Gesecus) can be killed. But if he dies, they all die. Alan and Igor team up to hunt down the Frankenstein, with the aid of Solomon Jones (Rett Terrell), a union solider and Alan ancestor, and Virginia (Raychelle McDonald) a union nurse and paramour of Solomon’s. Virginia is captured by the main Frankenstein and she comes to understand and befriend him. At the southern camp Walton experiments with the serum on his cat, transforming it into a monster that escapes into the woods…..

There’s more this story, lots more. Like I stopped describing plot less than halfway, I didn’t even get to Solomon’s Mega-Man Blaster. I’m not joking that shit happens. The story is just all over the place and certainly lives up the Adventure genre claim. But things never stop happening, we’re just thrown from one thing into the next. It never gives time to give the characters any personality. All the characters are one-dimensional to the point of it being infuriating.  Alan only causally mentions or cares that Igor abducted him and cut out his eye.

Which brings me to my next point. Prior to abducting Alan, Igor and the Dr got all parts they needed from grave robbing. This includes the creatures other eye. So why did they need Alan’s? Why couldn’t they of gotten another eye elsewhere. The only reason I can tell, is because the writers wanted a character that could occasionally see through the eyes of the monster.

Which bring me to the monster. Who is a half-bad depiction of the monster. It points out that he’s intelligent as well as empathetic. He shows love, and grows the most out of any character in the film. Which granted, isn’t all that hard. But I have seen some very bad interpretations of Frankesteins monster, this isn’t one of those.

Final thoughts, if you’re watching a movie named Army of Frankensteins you damn well know what you’re signing up for. It’s a B-Movie that’s taking a romp and if you wanna tag along fine. The abysmal performances that coat this film like a sticky paste, the terrible CGI effects and the convoluted story, all work together really well. It hits that blend of fun bad, you wanna stop and occasionally wonder why in the world you’re watching this. But you keep on watching and once you hit the end, you end up having some fun. If you like your B-Movies cheesy and goofy, this one is most certainly worth looking into. But, if you’re looking to be scared? Keep looking. 5/10


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