Avalanche Sharks

affiche-avalanche-sharks-2013-1Admittedly, I’m not into the current shark craze. That said. when you see a film named Avalanche Sharks how do you pass that up? This is a film I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed it as much if I wasn’t heckling it with good company. As it’s a really bad movie. But the weird cheesy bad that everyone seems to be able to get behind these days. I learned after watching this, that it’s the sequel to Sand Sharks. Which apparently I’m going to be watching that next. Avalanche Sharks is very much a film that’s playing to a specific audience. the kind that loves cheesy shark movies. Which is exactly what Avalanche Sharks is. In a nutshell, Avalanche Sharks is equal parts Jaws and Out Cold.

Avalanche Sharks opens with a pair of stoner skiers, well skiing down a mountain. When they’re attacked by a ghostly snow shark. After one is consumed the other impales himself on a tree, as much on accident as out of sheer stupidity. The next chunk of the film assembles the various characters that are visiting or working at The  Twin Pines Ski resort. After a number of disappearances the Sheriff is brought in, along with his wife, who has encountered these snow sharks before. But, the resort’s owner, the town mayor and the captain of ski patrol work against him to keep the resort open, so as not to lose business. Things get worse after an avalanche brings the sharks down the mountain to the Ski resort…

The acting is by far the worst thing about this film. None of the characters were memorable enough for me to even be able to recall who was who when looking the Cast List on IMDB and the only one I could was Richard Gleason. Which is only because his character’s name was listed as simply Sheriff. The strange thing is since everybody is absolutely terrible, you get kind of numb to it after about the first twenty or so minutes.

The sharks… are bad. That said, as this was a made for tv movie. Nay! A made for Syfy movie, I’m not going to fault the special effects. So my only gripe about them is all of their kills feel the same. You see one snow shark kill someone you’ve seen them all and I feel that this film missed a lot of opportunities.

But now I do have to gripe about the ending. So if you don’t want a spoiler jump ahead to my final thoughts. That said, what a cheap cop-out ending this film got’s. Also this ending has the worst ending, with a lazy shaman pushing sticks into the snow and were supposed to be surprised at the end when one tips over? Bull. It was a cute idea to have the character that doesn’t speak English be there to keep the magic wards working. Well she’s terrible at her job.

Final thoughts, if it weren’t for the terrible, forgettable acting or the weak sauce ending, I might recommend this film. But I can’t. Avalanche Sharks isn’t one of those so bad it’s good movies, it’s just plain old bad. That said there few redeemable points to this film and those center around how easy it is to heckle and joke about with your friends. So if you’re looking for a genuine horror film, stay away. But if on the other hand, you’re looking around for a movie to make fun of over a couple of beers. Then yeah, this one would do just fine. 2/10


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