Yoga Hosers

yoga-hosers-poster_1200_1768_81_sTo get the level enjoyment I got out of this film, you really need to be a Kevin Smith fan. Which I really am, having seen all of his films save one. That one being Tusk, the precursor to this film and the first film in the True North trilogy. Though I’m more than aware of its story enough to know that they aren’t related. With exception of overlapping characters. So, you can jump right in without missing to much, if really anything at all. I’m not sure what it is about Kevin Smith’s writing, but I can always get into his films. No matter how strange and cheesy the plot gets and this one gets plenty of both.

Yoga Hosers opens with an actually pretty great song, being performed by Colleen Collette (Lily-Rose Depp) and Colleen McKenzie (Harley Quinn Smith). In the back of a convenience store at which they work, while the store is supposed to be open. After the they finish practicing they reopen to host of upset customers, one of whom buys a roll of toilet paper (Harley Morestein). Among the upset costumers are Hunter Calloway (Austin Butler), a high school hottie and Colleen M.’s crush and his friend Gordon Greenleaf (Tyler Posey). Hunter invites the Colleens to a senior party, a big deal since the girls are only sophomores. The girls spend the night trying to figure out what to wear, while being bothered by Colleen C.’s doting father, Bob (Tony Hale) and his girlfriend Tabitha (Natasha Lyonne), who is less than doting. The girls spend the next day in school where they learn about the Canadian Nazi Party led by Adrien Arcand (Haley Joel Osment) and Adronicus Arcane (Ralph Garman), and attending their regular yoga classes taught by Yogi Bayer (Justin Long). The girls are questioned during the day by Guy Lapointe (Johnny Depp), a man-hunter who is looking for the toilet paper man (who was quickly killed off after leaving the convenience store by an unseen attacker). When the Colleen’s get back to Colleen C.’s house after school they learn that Bob and Tabitha are taking a spur of the moment trip to Niagara Falls, forcing the girls to work that night in lieu of attending the senior party. But that doesn’t deter the Colleen’s for long as when Hunter calls to check where they are, they suggest he try and move the party to the convenience store. To which he agree’s, which will be easy as the he and Gordon are the only two in attendance since the party was an ambush devised to give them the opportunity to kill them, in the name of Satan. They go the convenience store with the murder in their hearts, but are killed of by Bratzis… miniature Nazi’s made from Bratwurst with concentrated sauerkraut for blood before they can harm the Colleens. Leaving the Colleens alone to fight off a horde of Bratzis, with nothing but their yoga for defense.

What really sells this movie for me, well other than it being a Kevin Smith film, is the chemistry between Lily-Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith. As they’re hilarious, full of energy and look like they’re having a fun time making the Yoga Hosers. Which for me can make a bad film, which this is, into a good one, which this is.

I, like always, love Kevin Smith’s writing and direction. That said the Bratzis were a little hard to swallow due just how ludicrous they are. To the point where I can’t in good conscious call this a true horror film, or even a horror comedy for that matter. Yoga Hosers is a straight comedy with a few dark comedy moments thrown in.

Final thoughts, Yoga Hosers makes me want to see Tusk even more and makes me upset I didn’t go out of my way to see it in theaters. I was a much more hardcore fan of his in the past, and feel that this film is kind of a return to form Smith. Since the only other horror film I’ve seen by him is Red State, which is a horror film. So if you want to see a Kevin Smith horror film, see Red State. If you want to see a cheeky tongue in cheek comedy with a ton of call backs to his other films, than Yoga Hosers is for you. 9/10

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